I think the expression you want involves hammers and thumbs!

.. while Microsoft deletes your valuable data!

It might be more appropriate so either rename it "DogShit" or spread a rumor that Linux promoters are bribing Microsoft staff to do this stupidity.

because they've made the scrollbars so small they're difficult to hit.

No they did not make scroll bars small. It is just that no one has told them that screens are no longer 320x240, and they have not used a computer since they were.

Maybe UI decisions should be made by the under 70's? or over 18s?

Removing the middle button paste to assist non-computer users to not use computers is not an intelligent decision It is a screw-up.

Maybe, during install, one of the questions should be Are you mentally defective? If the answer is YES, then the middle button paste can be disabled.

I can't wait to have RETURN disabled so we can all get back to using CTRL-M.

Should be considered a crime against humanity.

And the DMCA should not apply outside of the USA.

London announced they are converting Big Ben to digital.

I would not worry to much - at the speed our government does things, it will probably take 500 years to do it.

I learned to use a sewing machine about 65 years ago, and was still able to use it last week to shorten some trousers. Yes, I did have lessons at one time, but I can still thread a machine without owning the instruction manual.

I can't thread an overlocker because my sight is too poor, not because I can't figure it out from what it does.

The speedometer is probably digital.

But if you can't read an analogue clock, you are probably too dumb to be let out on your own anyway!

In my family, analogue clocks are used to teach children fractions before they start school - so they know how to divide things up between themselves.

I know kids in America are allowed to use guns for this purpose, but in most of the rest of the world, they are not.

... That all Hadrons are really tiny.

This "Large Hadron" collider must be a gigantic con!

You probably need to dream of walking backwards (across the Irish sea?)

call it a "subway" or put them up on a viaduct and call it an "elevated"

Or, in real English: "Underground" and "Overground". A Subway is for pedestrians (or something you eat).

Rust gets a new stable release every 6 weeks,

In my world, that is the definition of unstable

I have 3 Sun/Oracle servers (running OpenBSD), and two AMD workstations (running Devuan). ls, rm. vi, tar, etc all work the same, and I use Mate for my UI.

Most people can switch from petrol manual to EV without much sweat.

Someone is TEACHING people that changing OS is hard, but most manage to switch between Windows versions without tears.
I found switching from Windows XP to Windows 10 very hard. (I never used anything Windows in between).

Windows is a HORRIBLE security risk. I would not want it on company premises.

Admittedly, it is annoying when things are just a little bit different between systems;

Which is why all makes of car are exactly identical!

Or can you tell a Fiat 500 from a Ford F150?